just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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