if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
