hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
