Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Boobs are out for the taking
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Randomize
