If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
