I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
