I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
