I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
