I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
