You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
