She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I wear drunk well.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
