Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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