I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
