and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Houston, we have a blender
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
