Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
