So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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