I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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