yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
