quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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