no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Randomize
