I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize