Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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