Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
ugly people sure do ruin things
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
