so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
