so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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