remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
