I can tuck mytits in my pants
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
