been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
