i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
