She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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