At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
