FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
