apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Randomize
