I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
