did you get engaged???
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Even my vagina gasped.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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