im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
she told me i tasted like america
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
