so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
