All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
