I want to make a zoo with you.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize