I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
