Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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