i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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