Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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