I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
