He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
