I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
