How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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