Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Randomize
