"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
