my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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