i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
