Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
