We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
