yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Randomize
