So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
