I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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