Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
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