So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
