there's paper in my vomit.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
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