What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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