I feel like abortions should bother me more
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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