3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Randomize
