Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
