dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I just gargled with NyQuil
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